Baby Got Back...and good makeup

Hung out with my friend Lazy last night. I met Lazy through MF and we became friends after MF and I broke up. We get along well and he gets along with the Israeli (probably because he is also from Israel and the same age lol). Lazy is 25, recently broken up with his long term gf, and lives about 30min from me. He gets called lazy because he always wants us to come visit him, even though he has a roommate and a kind sketchy apt building. Like I am really going to go drive 30-45min depending on traffic at 8:30 at night when I get up around 6:30am for work and he gets up at like 11am. His lazy ass should come visit me, at least every other time. My place is cozier, no room ates, we live by a ton of mutual friends, and there is better food. Clearly, I win lol.

Anyways so he came over and we went to see Flower and her husband God Complex (GC). GC gets his name because he loves to help people way less fortunate or more fucked up then him so he feels better when they treat his like some god. The people who actually help him and don't fuck up he has less time for. So we went over to GC and Flowers to see if GC would pay him the $400 he owes Lazy. We were there for a while and I found out some interesting news about Toxic. So after we came by to my house, we smoked a bit and I drank some wine. He watched HBO Cathouse stuff and I played with Bella and thought about the Israeli. He left around 2 r so and I went to sleep. When I woke up, I had such a wine hangover (I had a glass when I had thai and wine again for dinner by myself). I called in work for a half day and went back to bed with Bella. I told them I ate at a diner and had food poisoning. Sent the Israeli some money via Western Union. Worked and came home. Cooked some Moroccan Fish and cous cous and relaxed. Showered and and watching True Life: I love my Fat Body. Which is apparently turning out that these people really don't.

The thing about fat and being fat and weight it, it really is a matter of confidence. It really is also a matter of health. There is chubby and plump and there is obese. When being overweight affects your health, then I think it would be wise to exercise and maybe eat better. This girl on the show says she won't eat anything she doesn't like but can she really dislike all food besides junk food? I love fast food, seriously Glitter and I were just talking about this but I also adore fruits and vegetables. I adore water over soda. My favorite salad dressing is only oil, vinegar, salt and lemon. I like how I feel when I work out. The thing is, most people that are at their natural body weight do some sort of exercise. Humans were not meant to be sedimentary creatures. We used to be nomads and roam and walk a ton. Now no one really gets exercise.

I have struggled with weight like most woman, and men too, and I can see I feel better being healthy. Sometimes, like now, I can be eating healthy and working out and my body might not be making a huge change but I feel good. A size 0 isn't for everyone and is very different on a tall vs short person. Stacey London says it best when you should ignore the numbers and focus on the clothes fit. I am a curvy girl. My but is out there and sexy, not some big flat ass but a round curvy thing. I have breasts and I have hips. I love my body. Some days its annoying but who doesn't have that? Look at me at 3, I have the booty then and I have it now. (Can I get in trouble for posting me when I was little like this? Hope not!!)


Besides how I look body wise, one thing that I do love is clear skin. Who doesn't? I don't wear a ton of makeup and I am blessed to be pretty blemish free but one thing that helps is Clinque's Almost Makeup. This is something I have used for years and I encourage everyone who wants a nice smooth skin with a no makeup feel you can put on it about 30 seconds. It is lightweight, you can't feel it, has SPF15 in it, and moisturizes. It comes in 4 shades that blend in to all skin tones. This also lasts forever and makes the easiest morning routine. I put this on, some blush, lipgloss and I am good to go. Very natural and flawless. Costs $19.50. Very reasonable for everything you get.





A second product I adore is the Bobbi Brown Long Wear Gel Eyeliner. This was something my friend Makeup got me hooked on. We met when she was working at Victoria's Secret beauty and I was in lingerie. We stayed friends and she used to work the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordstorms. I bought this and have never been disappointed. Goes on smooth, long lasting, never smears and just lasts and lasts. Love the pot it comes it, love the dark color, and love the way it just slides on. It also costs $19 and comes in a variety of colors. Definitely try this.

Good things about today. Moving desks away from the loudmouth. Comcast giving me free HBO for another year and keeping me on the triple play. Loving my Atkins Protein Shakes for breakfast. MY hair growing long and becoming easier to blowdry. Talking to the Israeli. Bella.

Afterthought: I sometimes wonder is my posts are too long or if this is a boring blog.

The Ex Factor

Did some myspace stalking today, in between AMNT marathons and cleaning. I looked up my last ex bf, the craziest guy anyone will ever meet. I call him Mind Fuck (MF) because that's what he is best at. The thing that I don't understand is this, out of the 47 friends he has, most of them are ex gf's. Ex gf's of which everyone he cheated on and most he did meet on myspace. My relationship with him was the worst thing that has ever happened to me but yet in a way, the best because I learned everything not to do and not to accept. Before I get into the stogy, here's a preview of the kind of person he is. This is from a police blotter.

"Bxxx Sxxxxx, 23, of [address]., Chicago, was charged with telephone harassment and harassment by electronic communication. A 23-year-old woman called police from her place of employment at 5:45 p.m. June 4. She reported alleged continuous calls and instant messages from Sxxxxx, an ex-boyfriend. While police were speaking to the victim, Sxxxxx allegedly called her cellular telephone and an officer answered the phone. He warned Sxxxx about the harassment but Sxxxx allegedly called four more times while police were with the victim. Officers contacted Chicago police who arrested Sxxxx at his home as he was sending additional instant messages to the victim on a computer."

I think my favorite part might be the part where he was sending additional IM's. So, let's go back about 4 years or so. I met MF when my biological dad moved across country with his bf and basically ditched me, after I left college to take care of him. When I came home from a winter break I found him with no bills paid, house disgusting, and telling me he had suicidal thoughts again. So after I gave up alot of things in my life and encouraged him to go out and meet someone, when he did, he totally ditched me and moved to this guys home state and was a huge ass. Enter MF. Same personality and someone who needed to be taking care of.

From the second day I met him, he started in on me and I see now I was so vulnerable I confused love with demands and attention and being needed. I thought we were going to date but I went to visit family a few days later after he had said we were together and he then told me via IM he had a girlfriend he had just taken out for thai dinner, his signature as I would fine out. Through the next few months he would manipulate me (through crying, yelling, pleading, begging, etc) me to bring him food, give him money, let him use my car, sleep over so he wouldn't be alone, and meet every girl he met. God forbid if I went on a date. He would call so much I would turn my phone off and my dates were so confused they remained friends. Months into everything, after I had become close with his whole, rather hillbilly family, and we had actually hooked up did we start dating. We loved together and even signed a lease for an amazing apt.

The whole time he told me I dressed 'too plain', nicknamed me 'chubbers', spend his time playing world of warcraft or talking to ex gf's online, and become pushing me around. MF was 6'3 and when I met him, very lean. Apparently this was due to the fact he basically didn't eat. He gained weight, didn't shower, ever! I mean, literally once every few weeks he would and he never brushed his teeth. Needless to say, I was going to have sex with someone dirty or kiss him, so everything was fucked up. When he drank he wouldn't stop so I never went out with him and when he went with his friends, would come home reeking of whiskey and cigarettes and making me wonder who let him drive home. We ended up working in the same industry, eventually the same company, and that changed my life.

I began working with strong men who respected me and who helped me get my confidence back. When bruises started showing up on my wrists and arms, they stepped in. MF had started slow, yelling then shoving. Then came the hitting an more screaming, He would hit me and punch my head. He punched my arms, threw him against walls and beds, whatever he could do he did. MF had always claimed to never touch a woman since his drug/alcohol addicted father had hit his mother but then went out the window. He would hit me and cry but thank god for my bosses and all the lifetime movies I watched. After the 3rd time, I left him and my bosses helped me move out. They became some of my best friends and through them, I met the Israeli.

The Israeli and I ended up together, lived together, and got married. End of story right? MF just fades away? I only wish I had been that lucky. He called my phone all the time blocked, called work and the cell. Wrote things about me on the Internet. Tried to run my job. Called me every name he could think of, would call time after time after time. After a year or so, that's when the police blotter incident happened. Dragged that out so I had to go to court over 6 times after he no showed and lied about lawyers but it was worth it. I got my restraining order and he got a guilty plea. He still found ways to get to me, he pays someone $10 an hour to write shit about me from my old job, saying I am talking about other companies in that industry when I work in something so different.

While we were together, girls knew he lived with me and would still talk to him. They would believe he was 'unhappy' and talk even though he had cheated on them when he dated them. The girls found out he hit me, and to this day, still act as if he is god. He is the worst, manipulates everything, is always the victim and lies. It makes me sick to see how low these girls self esteem must be if they can talk to a guy who has lead them in for years, always saying he wants to be with them but when he is single they see he always gets a gf who isn't them. How can anyone want to talk to such an asshole? Someone who cheated and fucked them and every girl ever over? It just is so pathetic. I am not mad they like him so much as any girl liking a guy or person who treats them that way. For years. Who they barely see. He hides his disgusting self, inside and out, behind a computer screen.

I guess I got out and I wish all girls could in this situation.

10 Things I Hate About you said it best: don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

I look at life this way. If I had never met MF, I wouldn't have never got into the same industry, meeting my bosses and through them, the love of my life. So god works in mysterious ways.

My glass of wine is empty and it's late so I am done for tonight. I don;t know if anyone even reads this but I feel better getting this all out.

Ciao!