Baby Got Back...and good makeup

Hung out with my friend Lazy last night. I met Lazy through MF and we became friends after MF and I broke up. We get along well and he gets along with the Israeli (probably because he is also from Israel and the same age lol). Lazy is 25, recently broken up with his long term gf, and lives about 30min from me. He gets called lazy because he always wants us to come visit him, even though he has a roommate and a kind sketchy apt building. Like I am really going to go drive 30-45min depending on traffic at 8:30 at night when I get up around 6:30am for work and he gets up at like 11am. His lazy ass should come visit me, at least every other time. My place is cozier, no room ates, we live by a ton of mutual friends, and there is better food. Clearly, I win lol.

Anyways so he came over and we went to see Flower and her husband God Complex (GC). GC gets his name because he loves to help people way less fortunate or more fucked up then him so he feels better when they treat his like some god. The people who actually help him and don't fuck up he has less time for. So we went over to GC and Flowers to see if GC would pay him the $400 he owes Lazy. We were there for a while and I found out some interesting news about Toxic. So after we came by to my house, we smoked a bit and I drank some wine. He watched HBO Cathouse stuff and I played with Bella and thought about the Israeli. He left around 2 r so and I went to sleep. When I woke up, I had such a wine hangover (I had a glass when I had thai and wine again for dinner by myself). I called in work for a half day and went back to bed with Bella. I told them I ate at a diner and had food poisoning. Sent the Israeli some money via Western Union. Worked and came home. Cooked some Moroccan Fish and cous cous and relaxed. Showered and and watching True Life: I love my Fat Body. Which is apparently turning out that these people really don't.

The thing about fat and being fat and weight it, it really is a matter of confidence. It really is also a matter of health. There is chubby and plump and there is obese. When being overweight affects your health, then I think it would be wise to exercise and maybe eat better. This girl on the show says she won't eat anything she doesn't like but can she really dislike all food besides junk food? I love fast food, seriously Glitter and I were just talking about this but I also adore fruits and vegetables. I adore water over soda. My favorite salad dressing is only oil, vinegar, salt and lemon. I like how I feel when I work out. The thing is, most people that are at their natural body weight do some sort of exercise. Humans were not meant to be sedimentary creatures. We used to be nomads and roam and walk a ton. Now no one really gets exercise.

I have struggled with weight like most woman, and men too, and I can see I feel better being healthy. Sometimes, like now, I can be eating healthy and working out and my body might not be making a huge change but I feel good. A size 0 isn't for everyone and is very different on a tall vs short person. Stacey London says it best when you should ignore the numbers and focus on the clothes fit. I am a curvy girl. My but is out there and sexy, not some big flat ass but a round curvy thing. I have breasts and I have hips. I love my body. Some days its annoying but who doesn't have that? Look at me at 3, I have the booty then and I have it now. (Can I get in trouble for posting me when I was little like this? Hope not!!)


Besides how I look body wise, one thing that I do love is clear skin. Who doesn't? I don't wear a ton of makeup and I am blessed to be pretty blemish free but one thing that helps is Clinque's Almost Makeup. This is something I have used for years and I encourage everyone who wants a nice smooth skin with a no makeup feel you can put on it about 30 seconds. It is lightweight, you can't feel it, has SPF15 in it, and moisturizes. It comes in 4 shades that blend in to all skin tones. This also lasts forever and makes the easiest morning routine. I put this on, some blush, lipgloss and I am good to go. Very natural and flawless. Costs $19.50. Very reasonable for everything you get.





A second product I adore is the Bobbi Brown Long Wear Gel Eyeliner. This was something my friend Makeup got me hooked on. We met when she was working at Victoria's Secret beauty and I was in lingerie. We stayed friends and she used to work the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordstorms. I bought this and have never been disappointed. Goes on smooth, long lasting, never smears and just lasts and lasts. Love the pot it comes it, love the dark color, and love the way it just slides on. It also costs $19 and comes in a variety of colors. Definitely try this.

Good things about today. Moving desks away from the loudmouth. Comcast giving me free HBO for another year and keeping me on the triple play. Loving my Atkins Protein Shakes for breakfast. MY hair growing long and becoming easier to blowdry. Talking to the Israeli. Bella.

Afterthought: I sometimes wonder is my posts are too long or if this is a boring blog.

The Ex Factor

Did some myspace stalking today, in between AMNT marathons and cleaning. I looked up my last ex bf, the craziest guy anyone will ever meet. I call him Mind Fuck (MF) because that's what he is best at. The thing that I don't understand is this, out of the 47 friends he has, most of them are ex gf's. Ex gf's of which everyone he cheated on and most he did meet on myspace. My relationship with him was the worst thing that has ever happened to me but yet in a way, the best because I learned everything not to do and not to accept. Before I get into the stogy, here's a preview of the kind of person he is. This is from a police blotter.

"Bxxx Sxxxxx, 23, of [address]., Chicago, was charged with telephone harassment and harassment by electronic communication. A 23-year-old woman called police from her place of employment at 5:45 p.m. June 4. She reported alleged continuous calls and instant messages from Sxxxxx, an ex-boyfriend. While police were speaking to the victim, Sxxxxx allegedly called her cellular telephone and an officer answered the phone. He warned Sxxxx about the harassment but Sxxxx allegedly called four more times while police were with the victim. Officers contacted Chicago police who arrested Sxxxx at his home as he was sending additional instant messages to the victim on a computer."

I think my favorite part might be the part where he was sending additional IM's. So, let's go back about 4 years or so. I met MF when my biological dad moved across country with his bf and basically ditched me, after I left college to take care of him. When I came home from a winter break I found him with no bills paid, house disgusting, and telling me he had suicidal thoughts again. So after I gave up alot of things in my life and encouraged him to go out and meet someone, when he did, he totally ditched me and moved to this guys home state and was a huge ass. Enter MF. Same personality and someone who needed to be taking care of.

From the second day I met him, he started in on me and I see now I was so vulnerable I confused love with demands and attention and being needed. I thought we were going to date but I went to visit family a few days later after he had said we were together and he then told me via IM he had a girlfriend he had just taken out for thai dinner, his signature as I would fine out. Through the next few months he would manipulate me (through crying, yelling, pleading, begging, etc) me to bring him food, give him money, let him use my car, sleep over so he wouldn't be alone, and meet every girl he met. God forbid if I went on a date. He would call so much I would turn my phone off and my dates were so confused they remained friends. Months into everything, after I had become close with his whole, rather hillbilly family, and we had actually hooked up did we start dating. We loved together and even signed a lease for an amazing apt.

The whole time he told me I dressed 'too plain', nicknamed me 'chubbers', spend his time playing world of warcraft or talking to ex gf's online, and become pushing me around. MF was 6'3 and when I met him, very lean. Apparently this was due to the fact he basically didn't eat. He gained weight, didn't shower, ever! I mean, literally once every few weeks he would and he never brushed his teeth. Needless to say, I was going to have sex with someone dirty or kiss him, so everything was fucked up. When he drank he wouldn't stop so I never went out with him and when he went with his friends, would come home reeking of whiskey and cigarettes and making me wonder who let him drive home. We ended up working in the same industry, eventually the same company, and that changed my life.

I began working with strong men who respected me and who helped me get my confidence back. When bruises started showing up on my wrists and arms, they stepped in. MF had started slow, yelling then shoving. Then came the hitting an more screaming, He would hit me and punch my head. He punched my arms, threw him against walls and beds, whatever he could do he did. MF had always claimed to never touch a woman since his drug/alcohol addicted father had hit his mother but then went out the window. He would hit me and cry but thank god for my bosses and all the lifetime movies I watched. After the 3rd time, I left him and my bosses helped me move out. They became some of my best friends and through them, I met the Israeli.

The Israeli and I ended up together, lived together, and got married. End of story right? MF just fades away? I only wish I had been that lucky. He called my phone all the time blocked, called work and the cell. Wrote things about me on the Internet. Tried to run my job. Called me every name he could think of, would call time after time after time. After a year or so, that's when the police blotter incident happened. Dragged that out so I had to go to court over 6 times after he no showed and lied about lawyers but it was worth it. I got my restraining order and he got a guilty plea. He still found ways to get to me, he pays someone $10 an hour to write shit about me from my old job, saying I am talking about other companies in that industry when I work in something so different.

While we were together, girls knew he lived with me and would still talk to him. They would believe he was 'unhappy' and talk even though he had cheated on them when he dated them. The girls found out he hit me, and to this day, still act as if he is god. He is the worst, manipulates everything, is always the victim and lies. It makes me sick to see how low these girls self esteem must be if they can talk to a guy who has lead them in for years, always saying he wants to be with them but when he is single they see he always gets a gf who isn't them. How can anyone want to talk to such an asshole? Someone who cheated and fucked them and every girl ever over? It just is so pathetic. I am not mad they like him so much as any girl liking a guy or person who treats them that way. For years. Who they barely see. He hides his disgusting self, inside and out, behind a computer screen.

I guess I got out and I wish all girls could in this situation.

10 Things I Hate About you said it best: don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

I look at life this way. If I had never met MF, I wouldn't have never got into the same industry, meeting my bosses and through them, the love of my life. So god works in mysterious ways.

My glass of wine is empty and it's late so I am done for tonight. I don;t know if anyone even reads this but I feel better getting this all out.

Ciao!

I’ve got a way of knowing when something is right

What a crazy week it has been. A lot of ups and downs. New Years was quiet. Saw some friends and went home early. Last year was a lot more fun but c'est la vie. The Isreali was feeling really bad from his surgery and apparently lost like 10 lbs, which since he is already thin, is nuts! He sent me a cute email this morning which was nice to wake up to. I am almost half way there. Him being gone definitely makes me emotional in ways I don't realize apparently. (Can we talk about why I am listening to Whitney Houstons 'Where do broken hearts go'?) I have a lot of things going on to focus on and get ready before he comes home though.

Get in shape. He likes my body this way and I don't mind it but I want to lose weight and shape up.
Work out. I am starting to go in the mornings and sometimes after work. I need to go 5-6 days a week.
Eat Better. Went grocery shopping. Shopping cart full of fruits and veggies. Lots of Salad. Oil and Vinegar with Lemon for dressing. Chicken breasts. Sugar Free Jello. Anything low cal and no carbs! Bottled Water and an occasional Diet Coke. Tuna. Boca Burgers. Desperately wanted to add in some Corona or wine but refrained. I guess this means no more Thai take out or Schawarma. *sigh* I could live on pad see eiw and wine.

Apartment. I want to redo the kitchen area. Also the laundry area. I basically want this---> God bless Ikea. inexpensive, easy, and looks organized. I am also getting a new rug and we are redoing the tile. Good times. I love new things. I might repaint as well. The red wall in the bedroom is definitely staying though. I think we need a plasma tv in there though. I don;t usually like tv's in bedrooms or maybe that is a leftover from my last relationship. (Remind me to write about that, good god the horror stories!). The Israeli likes to fall asleep to the tv and especially Seinfeld so I think to ensure him falling asleep in bed and not on the sofa, a tv is needed. Besides, laying in bed comfortable and watching shows with The Israeli seems good to me, especially since I think it will increase the amount of sex we're having. With his hours and tendency to fall asleep on the sofa and my work hours, it's not as often as I'd like (but then again, I could do it with him all the time, everyday so....)

I have this big test in March and the books I need to study for are coming on Monday. It's a 305 multiple choice exam. It's an exam to get a license for a business. I want to open this business and first I need to pass this test and then get a name, insurance, etc etc and I can quit my 9-5. I might end up working even more but at least it will be for myself and the Israeli. This field is not something I know anything about but I can study my ass off for the next few months and he can come home and teach me what I don't know. I mean, there are things that a doctor might take a test for but has never actually done so I figure I am book smart and can learn this. Wish me luck. This can be life changing. I want the kind of life where I have a ton of savings, where I can travel, where if I want to go and buy a LV or Dior purse, I can go in and not blink (and still eat the rest of the month). I want to be able to live well, not extravagant but with a few nice things here and there. I am not afraid of hard work, I love it.

Today I need to hit the mall and get a present for Mr. Gucci's bday. I am going to see him and the family later. Love those 2 little girls and his wife, she is like my fashion idol. Every time I wear something she picked out for me I get a million compliments. Plus nobody can find better sales then her. He is a hard person to shop for but we have a nice expensive mall here so I am sure I can find something. I know gift certificates are kind of impersonal but he is a very picky person.

I really need to do a survey for this. And start commenting on all the blogs I read.

No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all

This is either going to be a lazy sunday for me or a super productive one. I haven't decided yet. I need to wash all my clothes, put new sheets on the bed, grocery shop, organize paperwork, dust, blah blah blah. I want to watch crappy sunday tv, cuddle with bella, and Chinese take out. Actually, I want to go shopping but it's freezing outside so unless I convince myself to go and then do groceries after, who knows. I have practically nothing in my fridge so I am sure like 4 hours from now I will go.

I watched Superbad with Lior last night. We texted some girl who was hitting on him at his job that day. H heeds to get laid so even though he didn't find her attractive, I told him he could just turn her around and only see her back. He was super honest with her about a one night thing and she was down with that soo...maybe tonight he will be getting laid. I haven't smoked in a year so that was kind of relaxing. I generally don't care to but on the other hand am not opposed.

The Isreali and I got into a bit of a fight. Apparently saying "um hi" means I have attitude. He told me "you have an attitude. You can call me tomorrow" and hung out and when I called back, didn't answer. Nice. I understand he had surgery and is cranky but he has never done that and would be soooo pissed if I did that. I hate how fights long distance get so blown out of proportion and even the make up will be lackluster. *sigh* I wish he was home. He is my 'missing piece'. His prescence gives me motivation, security, he is fun and laughs and warmth and when I met him, somehting insude me changed. I grew up, learned more compassion, thoughtfulness, how to love and be a better friend. I also learned he is the best kisser and my favorite place in the world is anywhere with him and Bella between us.


Did I mention I lost my hair dryer? I hate when I put something in a place I am sure I'll remember and then later have absolutely no idea. Still in search of it after 4 days. I keep picturing Bella trying to drag it and hide it somewhere.

New winter jacket from Michael Kors. Keeps me warm so I'm happy.

Bella will be attending Doggie Day care this week. A small dog only facility open 7am to 7pm. Owner seems really kind and they offer a free day to see how the dog likes it. Bella needs to be more social with dogs and a lot of chihuahuas go, so this should be good for her while the Israeli is gone and I work all day. It's only $20 a day and a brand new facility so I am hopeful.

Having Bella to cuddle and talk to and play with and just come home to really helps being by myself. Wit the Israeli gone, it's lonely to come home to an empty house but Bella waiting for me with hugs and kisses and such excitement makes me forget that.

So I am going to finish watching 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' and wonder where the hell Glitter is.

Baby It's Cold Outside...

Tonight I will come home and let you know about my weekend and holidays. Should I start with the man with the stomach flu on my plane ride home? The childish emails from my estranged "father"? The 70lb labrador named Jeebus? I don't know but it will be writing with a glass of wine, my favorite blanket, and my favorite embarassing songs playing. Right now I will rush to get dressed and do Christmas day dinner with my Italian side of the family. Yesterday involved no alcohol so I am desperately hoping for some wine at this dinner.

(Side note: Right now I am missing the Israeli. He had some surgery done and I wish I could be there with him but I know he is okay because he is with his mom. Maybe it's listening to "Baby, it's cold outside" but the wintertime is lonesome without him to spend it with and so are family dinners...)

Saturday night's all right for....blogging?

Saturday night. Snowing like crazy. Nothing on tv. Husband out of the country. What's a girl to do? Well, I will be reading Training for Toy Dog magazine but that's because I like to look at the dogs and see which ones look like Bella. I played with her in the show a bit and she had a great time.

I have Lovers of The Arctic Circle recorded and that is a good watch. Actually, it is an excellent film from 1998 that made me cry. The characters, the filming, and the fact that I love a good subtitled movie. Two lovers who met at the age of 8 and had their lives entwined along with the message of coincidences and the idea of circles. It is simply a hauntingly beautiful film I ran across late one night on IFC. The actor who plays the male lead was apparently also in Bad Education which I have wanted to watch, so maybe I will put it in my blockbuster que. That's right, I am into Blockbuster and not Netflix. The thing is, it really is convenient to go to the store and exchange movies. I can have 3 movie from the mailer that I return in the store for 3 new movies and they will still send me 3 in the mail, I can have 6 movies at once! Which...now seems a little excessive but the Israeli and I love watching movies.

This was a HARD week without the Israeli. Thank god Glitter have her best friend esp on and even though she in the middles of law school finals took a few hours to listen to me bawl my eyes out. It is times like that that you know you your real friends are. Now her I have never questioned but my friends who actually live by me, I was severely disappointed in. Let me give you some back story on the girls I spent high school with. A Catholic high school with uniforms and only 180 girls from freshmen to senior year. Here are the Plaid Skirts:

Irish-passive aggressive girl who spends a huge amount of time with her family because she can't say not. preppy and very cute but dates the same idiot for the last 5 years or so. doesn't live with him, has no plans to, and break up more then they are together.

Audrina 2.0-Basically acts just like Audrina from the Hills. good heart, pretty, ditzy, needs to learns lesson for herself, likes douchebags.

Big L-variation of her actual nickname. big bitch. fun to hang out but can turn on you in 2 seconds. good for adventures but not always reliable. smart and focused. dating a girl but can't decide if she is even bi. love/hate friendship. currently love.

Spacey-the dumbest smart girl you ever met. ivy league educated. no common sense. lesbian dating the most annoying ugly girl ever. working drunk. once said "target, isn't that where you buy gifts for poor people". apparently a selective toilet flusher. used to be my absolute best friend in the world, we ever had a 3 way together.

M2-friend by association. nice. neither here nor there for me. fucking Irish's friend and also has the most adorable long distance bf. yeah.

Xmeth-over achiever. ivy league schools. ex meth head. friends with the clintons. dates a psych resident who keeps her on pills.

So this is a sample of the girls I went to school with and am "friends" with. I am still fairly close with 2.0 but the others, I am not putting any effort into anymore. They complain about all of us not hanging out but they make no effort. They bitch about the same men for years. Now we all can have that ex that never quite stays an ex but go have some interesting fucks or flings or something!! You would think that since they all knew the Israeli was leaving they would call me to see how I was doing, but not once call. When I talked to Irish tonight she completely glossed over that topic. I don't think they need to act like it is a big deal to them but come on, one of your " best friends" husband is going away for 2 months and you can't even say "oh that sucks, I'm sorry" or something? Glitter was there like a champ and Flower called me the day he left, invited me over, and has called me everyday. I spent last night there for shabbat dinner and they made sure I was good. I have known the Plaid Skirts for almost 10 years and Flower for 2 and that is how they act. IT definitely hurts but I remember now why I stopped speaking to them and being close for a few years. Because they would rather be passive aggressive and fake then just be honest with each other. Spacey and Irish were roommates and that was one hot mess that they were both so pass/ass about that they sent complaints through friends and moved out without talking face to face. Anyways....

An empty bed and a sad heart is what I am working with but I am trying to stay positive. Working out on Monday with Ukraine. She is a work friend and this will be out first out of work excursion so let's hope it goes well. Glitter is here Tuesday and on Wednesday I am having a purse party. This should be very interesting. Also some Gramma time this week. I have the most adorable Italian gramma (say it without the 'd'). We had a 3 hour talk sesh tonight because she is awesome like that.

So here I am at 1:31 am with my blanket from the Israeli, Bella wrapped in it at my feet, and there is a very appropriate Dashboard Confessional song playing.

You'll be leaving for the winter, but I won't see that it's true
It's the right thing for you, but it's tough to be moved
With the holiday spirit, when to tell you the truth
I had big plans for Christmas, and high hopes for you.

I want you here by my side!
Cold nights
and fires
and white wine
And dreams of holidays have come, but I'll wait for spring to bring you to me
Only gift that I need.

I'll be living off your phone calls and your letters and your post cards
Every single word is like a secret wish come true
Who cares if were apart for the big days
It's the small ones that made me fall in love with you (fall in love with you).