Did I mention I have had a huge Burger King/Fast Food craving? Tongith it was bad since I havent had it in weeks but I overcame it and instead had some plain tuna with a little vinegar and olives. Sounds gross but it is protein and good.

Also. Want this little guy.

The Ex Factor

Did some myspace stalking today, in between AMNT marathons and cleaning. I looked up my last ex bf, the craziest guy anyone will ever meet. I call him Mind Fuck (MF) because that's what he is best at. The thing that I don't understand is this, out of the 47 friends he has, most of them are ex gf's. Ex gf's of which everyone he cheated on and most he did meet on myspace. My relationship with him was the worst thing that has ever happened to me but yet in a way, the best because I learned everything not to do and not to accept. Before I get into the stogy, here's a preview of the kind of person he is. This is from a police blotter.

"Bxxx Sxxxxx, 23, of [address]., Chicago, was charged with telephone harassment and harassment by electronic communication. A 23-year-old woman called police from her place of employment at 5:45 p.m. June 4. She reported alleged continuous calls and instant messages from Sxxxxx, an ex-boyfriend. While police were speaking to the victim, Sxxxxx allegedly called her cellular telephone and an officer answered the phone. He warned Sxxxx about the harassment but Sxxxx allegedly called four more times while police were with the victim. Officers contacted Chicago police who arrested Sxxxx at his home as he was sending additional instant messages to the victim on a computer."

I think my favorite part might be the part where he was sending additional IM's. So, let's go back about 4 years or so. I met MF when my biological dad moved across country with his bf and basically ditched me, after I left college to take care of him. When I came home from a winter break I found him with no bills paid, house disgusting, and telling me he had suicidal thoughts again. So after I gave up alot of things in my life and encouraged him to go out and meet someone, when he did, he totally ditched me and moved to this guys home state and was a huge ass. Enter MF. Same personality and someone who needed to be taking care of.

From the second day I met him, he started in on me and I see now I was so vulnerable I confused love with demands and attention and being needed. I thought we were going to date but I went to visit family a few days later after he had said we were together and he then told me via IM he had a girlfriend he had just taken out for thai dinner, his signature as I would fine out. Through the next few months he would manipulate me (through crying, yelling, pleading, begging, etc) me to bring him food, give him money, let him use my car, sleep over so he wouldn't be alone, and meet every girl he met. God forbid if I went on a date. He would call so much I would turn my phone off and my dates were so confused they remained friends. Months into everything, after I had become close with his whole, rather hillbilly family, and we had actually hooked up did we start dating. We loved together and even signed a lease for an amazing apt.

The whole time he told me I dressed 'too plain', nicknamed me 'chubbers', spend his time playing world of warcraft or talking to ex gf's online, and become pushing me around. MF was 6'3 and when I met him, very lean. Apparently this was due to the fact he basically didn't eat. He gained weight, didn't shower, ever! I mean, literally once every few weeks he would and he never brushed his teeth. Needless to say, I was going to have sex with someone dirty or kiss him, so everything was fucked up. When he drank he wouldn't stop so I never went out with him and when he went with his friends, would come home reeking of whiskey and cigarettes and making me wonder who let him drive home. We ended up working in the same industry, eventually the same company, and that changed my life.

I began working with strong men who respected me and who helped me get my confidence back. When bruises started showing up on my wrists and arms, they stepped in. MF had started slow, yelling then shoving. Then came the hitting an more screaming, He would hit me and punch my head. He punched my arms, threw him against walls and beds, whatever he could do he did. MF had always claimed to never touch a woman since his drug/alcohol addicted father had hit his mother but then went out the window. He would hit me and cry but thank god for my bosses and all the lifetime movies I watched. After the 3rd time, I left him and my bosses helped me move out. They became some of my best friends and through them, I met the Israeli.

The Israeli and I ended up together, lived together, and got married. End of story right? MF just fades away? I only wish I had been that lucky. He called my phone all the time blocked, called work and the cell. Wrote things about me on the Internet. Tried to run my job. Called me every name he could think of, would call time after time after time. After a year or so, that's when the police blotter incident happened. Dragged that out so I had to go to court over 6 times after he no showed and lied about lawyers but it was worth it. I got my restraining order and he got a guilty plea. He still found ways to get to me, he pays someone $10 an hour to write shit about me from my old job, saying I am talking about other companies in that industry when I work in something so different.

While we were together, girls knew he lived with me and would still talk to him. They would believe he was 'unhappy' and talk even though he had cheated on them when he dated them. The girls found out he hit me, and to this day, still act as if he is god. He is the worst, manipulates everything, is always the victim and lies. It makes me sick to see how low these girls self esteem must be if they can talk to a guy who has lead them in for years, always saying he wants to be with them but when he is single they see he always gets a gf who isn't them. How can anyone want to talk to such an asshole? Someone who cheated and fucked them and every girl ever over? It just is so pathetic. I am not mad they like him so much as any girl liking a guy or person who treats them that way. For years. Who they barely see. He hides his disgusting self, inside and out, behind a computer screen.

I guess I got out and I wish all girls could in this situation.

10 Things I Hate About you said it best: don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

I look at life this way. If I had never met MF, I wouldn't have never got into the same industry, meeting my bosses and through them, the love of my life. So god works in mysterious ways.

My glass of wine is empty and it's late so I am done for tonight. I don;t know if anyone even reads this but I feel better getting this all out.

Ciao!