For the last week I can barely get more then 2 hours of sleep at night.
I am moving April 1st. I am taking Bella but he gets everything else. We are till "friends". If by friends you mean he calls me for questions, favors, etc and does exactly what he wants when he wants.
He loves her. She will be coming to America in the next few months. They fight more in a day then we ever did but that doesn't matter. I have learned that at my best he will love her more at her worst. I may be the good choice but I am not his choice.
The sick thing is I would stop the moving process and go back to him if eh only wanted me. Since he has been back, almost a month, he has not even once tried to touch me. Very humiliating.
I am drinking jack and diet coke but even that isn't helping.
Basically, I am not his "100%" but I am high up there. Apparently fighting all the time and dating a girl that almost rips up your passport, changes your flight tickets, and fakes/tries to get pregnant, is just better then 90% or so.
I know I should hate him not her but she is just poison. It is his mistake to make and I hate I can do nothing.
I am registering for school for summer. I have a new place in April. I lost some weight. Stopped sleeping. Trying to smile.
All I can do is move on. Do my best. Learn to love me. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Insomnia
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3 comments:
Men are total idiots. They're attracted to drama, craziness and trying to 'tame' or rescue what they can't.
I recently looked back at all the women I'd been attracted to and realised that they were all the same - thank goodness my wife turned out to be an exception to the pattern!
I have decided, though... If my wife ever leaves me and i have to date again, the first thing that will warn me off a potentially crazy woman is if I'm attracted to her!!
You will always bee 150% in my book. You deserve so much better than a guy who can't see that.
Think how wonderful this fresh start is going to be for you - new apartment that I'll totally help you girlie-up, going back to school, looking totally hot...the possibilities for your future are ENDLESS!!! And while it's super hard to see that know (which is understandable), it's exciting.
I'm excited for a year from now - I have visions of you running into him and his jaw dropping because of your wonderfulness, and you can just smile and say "oh, hi there" and the skank will start crying because she realizes that YOU are the girl that he talks about and that she can never live up to.
I LOVE YOU!!!
roland: thnks!! its good to have a guys perspective!! thanks for reading and welcome :)
glitter: without you, i would never be half as stong, id be a huge crying mess of black eyeliner lol i cant wait to come see you!!!!
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